Saturday, December 18, 2010

Traveling Tablets

Here are some pictures of the notebooks I am making for the project. Until further notice they will be called the Traveling Tablets. I wanted something with alliteration. The name sounds a little lame, but I hope that the end project ends up great enough to over shadow the name.



I found these ring bound notebooks by myndology for pretty cheap during a sale at my school's bookstore. I got the bargain of eight notebooks for less than three dollars.


They are made with recycled paper, and the disks are made from a biodegradable material. I am glad that they are sustainable, but I would have bought them even if they weren't recycled.

The design on the front cover is interesting, with cut out arrows pointing in all different directions. The covers seem to also double as a pocket, though  I don't think they would hold something safely.





On the inside cover, I have printed the instructions for the booklets:

"Congratulations! You were gifted this book. The purpose of this book is to become filled with life, the experiences of as many people as possible.
  So take as much time as you need, and fill up a page or two in this book. It can be anything, words, art, a photo, anything. Once you’re done, give it to someone else.
Once the book is filled up, and if you are the one to fill it, please mail it to the address on the inside of the back cover."


And on the back cover I have both the address to send them to, as well as the url of this blog for the finders of the tablets can post comments and things.

The first of the tablets is out, soon to be followed by the rest. The first generation of them is only five (I decided to hold onto a few of the notebooks). I hope that at the very least I get two back, even one. I imagine that many will be lost, kept, destroyed. But if even one survives, or even just a few pages of one, then I will have succeeded in my project.



Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I smell a change.

     It seems to me that it is finally time to change the title of my blog. Ramble on was chosen very, very hastily, and I really feel it lacks the whole creative image that I am trying to go for. But just to make it easy on the few readers that I do have, I am going to keep it as "The Blog Formerly Known as 'Ramble on'" for at least a day before I make a drastic change. The winter break is already here, and because I do not want to fall back into the pattern of inactivity and boredom that plagued my summer, it looks like it is time for a lifestyle change as well. Not to radical. But I am going to maybe think about working out a bit. I am not going to let the lazy me steal the break that I have waited so long for, so activities here we come. I plan on changing the blog up a little bit, more than just the name. I feel like I have finally hit my stride with it and it's time to do work. Make sure to keep checking back in the next few days to see the difference and give me your input.

Tomorrow I am starting a new project.

I have been wanting to do this for a long time. And I have finally found both the time and the materials to do it. My plan is to leave little notebooks around the town. In coffee shops, libraries, parks, anywhere a large number of people frequent. Inside the front cover is a note asking the finder to fill a page or two with anything they want and when finished, to pass it on to a new person. They can write, draw, paint, or something that I have yet to think of. On the back cover there is an address to send the book to when it is completely full.

I don't really expect to ever see the books again. I imagine most will get lost, destroyed, or kept. But I think that if I release enough of them at least one will reach me at the end of it's journey, full of the experiences people have filled it with. I confess the idea was inspired by a similar project, Postsecret. But I want something more tangible, more varied. I hope it is a success.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Sad Life Of William V. Bradley

This is the story I have been writing using the plot generator. This is what I have so far. Every plot change is noted with colored letters in parenthesis. So without further ado...

The Sad Life Of William V. Bradley

(character gets evicted)

William V. Bradley stood outside of his humble single story house in Wayne, New Jersey. He had only been living there for a short time. A year ago he had moved to the States from England, intent on becoming a reporter for a newspaper. He had no degree, and worked as a janitor for the office the local paper used while he took classes at a community college to get his degree in journalism.

He sat down on the concrete steps leading to his porch and read the notice in his hand. He had a roommate who had ran off the week prior, taking with him four months worth of William’s hard earned rent money and left the paper Will held on the counter with a note.

“Sorry bro,” the note had said. Underneath it laid the somber notice of eviction. Will sat and stared at the paper for hours, not quite reading it, playing with the cuffs of his thrift store flannel shirt. The majority of the money he had made went towards rent and bills, all of which were in his name. The meager sum left paid for a few groceries and his tuition. He had to quit smoking in order to manage his budget. Careful sacrifices made in order to fulfill a dream that he might now never reach.

The note said he had to come up with thirty two hundred dollars in the next week. As of the following friday, he would be without a place to live. There was no way he could come up with the funds to pay that in a week, but he would have to try.

The crickets had already begun their sad twilight chorus when Will got up off of the step and returned inside. He had work to do. There had to be some sort of lifeline he could exploit, some untapped reservoir of money he could borrow. He didn’t have enough credit to take out a loan. With his family and friends hundreds of miles across the ocean he had no one to cosign. He stood near the phone wondering who he could call. With a sigh he turned away and got ready for bed.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A plot generator. What a great tool!

     So recently I have been trying to develop my skills as a creative writer. And I believe that I have found the perfect way to practice. I found this interesting website. It is a random plot point generator. It is great for testing the versatility of a writer. What I have been trying to do is write half a page to a page for each new plot twist. Every time that I run out of things to write on one plot twist, I hit the button and write a new one.
     I will show the results in a few days. It is to fun to stop writing at this moment. So far my character has been evicted, attacked by aliens, and followed advice that turned out to be bad. Ha. I will have the story up soon for everyone to enjoy. Thanks for reading.

Monday, December 6, 2010

On a side note.

      Life, being full of difficult decisions, has thrown an awful choice my way. I am currently in the library, on the bottom floor, with all of my school ingredients splayed out on the table I sit at. I have my laptop out, obviously, with its power cord plugged into a power outlet. These outlet spaces are prime locations and I am sure that if I got up it will not be here when I return. Unfortunately I have to piss. Fucking badly. And I can hold it, which I can do for not to long, or pack up go and lose my spot. Fuck you bladder. You win this round.

Dead week.

     Dead week. The week before finals. Crunch time. This week for me used to mean so many different things. The thoughts bouncing in my head would be Shit I am fucked or Fuck I am going to fail. How can I tell my parents. What the fuck am I going to do?
      I would delude myself with my timeless mantra It's all good, It's all good, It's all good. Nothing was alright. Nothing got done. Each day meant a deeper hole that I couldn't admit I was in. Each day was closer to a deadline that I couldn't face. I was not working, how could I? How could I face the surmounting summit of guilt and embarrassment. It was so easy to just turn away.
     I find myself starting to worry now, but for no reason other than habit. This year I am actually doing well. I have done my work. I have completed most of what I set out to do. It is hard to imagine what it is like to not be in a hole until you are out of it, and god it is great. I am going to follow the example I have set for myself and continue to follow through with my plans.
     The only thing left to do now is next semester. Finish the classes I enrolled in with good grades and get the fuck back into to Chico State. I can't wait to put this place behind me. Granted it has been a good experience and will continue to be for the remainder of my tenure here. But I just want out. I long for the shady greens and soft landscapes of Chico campus. I crave the old used smell of the hallways and classrooms. I miss the fact that my house is only a few blocks away. Chico is comfort.
     That could be the reason why I am doing better at XXX. The comfort is not available for me here. I have yet to find it. I spend my time here almost on edge, counting the seconds until I can get back in my car and drive the fifteen miles back home.
     The one comfort I do find reaching me here, in this remote, out-of-the-way location, is the fact that unlike previous years, I am actually doing well. It is a great thing not to worry about school. Now if only I didn't have to worry about money.

Monday, November 29, 2010

C*******y College.

      If I could, I would go back in time and change many, many, many things. I know that the past events of my life have shaped the man I am today. But come on. When you have screwed up as much as I have, the what if game is an addiction even though it sucks to think about.
      If I could do anything to change my circumstances I would, because community college sucks huge piece of tree bark. Every day here is another splinter in my tongue. And because I strive to get back into Chico State I must endure the waste of gas, time, and money that is XXXX College. Granted my classes are not to bad. I have actually enjoyed a few of them. But not being able to see friends at school, the time it would take to go home between class. These two semesters are just one big fat inconvenience.
       I wish I had requested to get treated for ADHD sooner. That one little decision could have drastically changed my predicament. There is always the chance that it would not have done anything, but I would like to see where I would be now. Probably still at Chico.
      Well it is easy to fantasize of greatness when your life is still climbing out of the toilet. Funny side note, though any reader wouldn't recognize it, I am misspelling a word in every sentence. Thank you spell check. Although I would probably attract more readers and comments without it.
       Soon Chico State University, soon I will be back to you. Hopefully only six more months of affordable education and I will be back in your arms. 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Long time

Well it seems like I have time for a post. The last couple of months I haven't really had time to write, and I guess I haven't had anything to write about. I have been in a little bit of a slump. Creatively drained and exhausted. The good news is that is all over now. I don't know why but I feel refreshed, almost like a have finally woken up. Things are looking good in most aspects. More to come in the near future dear readers, I know you are few but I feel like I have neglected you all. Ha. Alright.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Dedicated to an idiot friend of a friend of mine.

Hey you fat fuck! yes i mean you. Your voice is like a piece of metal sliding across broken glass. Every carefully chosen word drips off of your lips pre coated in egotistic day after shit. You understand that is my favorite band you are talking about. The singer who can not sing, or write music, or play guitar, he fucking wrote the anthems that I live by. I nod and smile because I respect our mutual friend. The one whose house we both happen to be drinking at. Fly off to your foreign country and learn its customs because I say you are not welcome here. The music you praise I consider to be pulp. Squeezed and juiced and strained till the originality is gone, forced down my throat like the grove stand that birthed it. Your heros are clippings, rubbed with white stuff and stuck into strained earth. I don’t care about the “screamer” who left your favorite band. To be good you don’t need a screamer. You don’t need some scrawny fuck who know one liked in high school, the one so immature he hated every charismatic character and strove to mimic the sounds of swine in the name of music. I weep for your sorry excuse for a genre, but I don’t belittle your hero so don’t you fucking dare belittle mine. Just because he didn’t wear jeans so tight his balls rotted off, or die his hair every shade of the dark side of the moon. He was dark and angry in his own way. He was a fuckin martyr. So take your bullshit fuckin ideas out of here. My hero started a movement and yours followed the crowd. Fuck your couch you pale skinned fat nigger. Every word makes me want to scrape a stone nice against the skin of your scalp and claim it for my own. You play an instrument, but that does not make you an expert. Every fucking johnny come lately and his mother can strum tunes of a guitar these days. You are not special and neither am I. So fuck off with your attitude. You are a bigot and a fatty. No one will ever think of you as a gentleman and a scholar. Leave my heaven alone. I do not punch holes in your nirvana, so leave mine the fuck alone, it has a fucking capital letter. They were visionaries. They paved the way for your bullshit. How dare you. How fucking dare you. If you speak one more mal-word against my inspiration so help me. I never asked for your fucking holier than thou opinion. Your fat fucking face makes me want to cut my lifeline to this generation. I really hope the rest of my peers do not think the same way as you. Nevermind. I will just drench my memories in bleach. You reek of fat kid angst when I know I smell of teen spirit. I want to wash your stink out of my pores fatty, as you rape my heroes harder that the record companies ever could. You represent the death of music. The step out of the wilderness to follow the beaten path. I hope that I die before I become like you. Fuck off. I hope I never see you again.
Peace, love, angst, respect, and most of all, dry socks,
Me

Friday, August 6, 2010

Itchy little frights.

     Have you ever seen a very large bug or spider? Or killed one after it crawls across your skin, and then every little itch and scratch becomes a spider, scampering across your legs, arms, forehead. God help me. I just found the biggest spider I have ever seen. Now I am not the squeamish type. I am man, watch me kill (bugs). I have never been scared of spiders or any creepy crawly. But no less than ten minutes ago I decided to smoke a late late night cigarette, and stumbled across the largest spider of my life.
     I would like to inform you that I live in California. So spiders do not really grow much bigger than a thumb nail. Occasionally we will get a rather large black widow, but that rarely happens. This spider was the size of a playing card. So being the smart individual that I am, I turned on the porch light before I stepped outside and avoided the embarrassing moment where I would walk into the web and scream bloody murder because there is a spider on my face.
     So I turn on the light, and boom. There it is. I am quite sure it is a queen among its peers. A regular Madame Octa. Of course I decide to do what any person would do and search my fridge for an old jar of jelly to wash out and catch it with. Low and behold, I now have a spider on ice in my freezer. I think I will make a specimen jar with this gigantic beauty. Do not worry folks. There will be a picture up shortly. Much love and dry socks.

-Me

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Well there is an old man and the sea.

The Dock

The waves pound the hardened wood of the dock, playing a frantic beat, like the heart of a boxer fresh from the ring. The splintered old beams hold, calm and unmoving. The old man walks alone on this dark dismal day. The clouds overhead churn and spit, pregnant with rain. His footsteps keep time with the waves. The old man pauses and sighs, takes the last drag of the cigarette in his right hand and exhales smoke into the heavy damp air. An old letter hangs from his left hand, yellowed and creased from years of wear.
The old man turns toward the ocean and leans over the edge of the dock, leaning against the splintery hand rail, the thin plank separating him from the restless waves. As he peers over the rising swells, memories of this place, of love and pain, of anger and laughter, flash just behind his stone hard face. His cold eyes glisten with tears, and his wrinkled forehead furrows with the years burden he carries. He rubs his eyes, turns back, and walks farther down the dock.
The faded yellow rubber of his rain jacket crinkles as he sits down on a familiar wooden bench at the end of the dock, like an old friend supporting his weight. The dead body of a seagull, covered in grime and flies, lays rotting on the planks before him, staining the aged wood with bile and gore. He wrinkles his nose at the sight of it and pulls out a fresh cigarette. The waves continue to pound the dock, taunting and threatening the old man with cold sprays of salty water. He lights his cigarette, and the tiny ember at the tip glows defiantly in spite of the suffocating damp that surrounds it. It hangs between his lips, quivering softly, like a beaten dog still faithful to his master.
The old man unfolds his letter, like he has done countless times before and begins to read it. He knows all of those delicate inked words by heart, each elegantly penned letter carved on the surface of his soul. It was the last letter he had received from his wife, years ago. She had died while he had been away, working at sea.
As his eyes scan the letter, he can still hear her soft angelic voice whispering her words in his ear, he can still feel her warm breath on his rough cheek. She had wanted him home, wanted him to be there to witness the changing of their lives together, to see the birth of his child.. He still cannot, will not forgive himself for missing her last moments, for not being the one to hold her hand when she finally gave up her fight, slipped away and gave her life to the blood soaked leach in the doctor’s gloved hands. The child had died less than a year later, wasting the life its mother had given it.
The old man drags deeply from his cigarette and exhales, craving the relief that just will not come. He struggles to keep his composure, and his weathered face soon contorts, tears escape and roll down his cheeks. He cries. Painful agonizing sobs escape his throat, audible over the thundering drums.
A behemoth of a wave hits the dock, breaking and sending seawater up and over the wooden edge. The old mans cries drown as water assaults him. And as he defiantly raises his hands above his head, the wind and water work together to steal the letter from his hands. The soggy paper, the old man’s most valued treasure, skirts by the body of the seagull and right over the other side of the dock. With rivulets of seawater running down his yellow jacket the man hurries to the other side of the dock, as fast as his stiff cold limbs will take him. He reaches the hand rail just in time to see the letter being carried away, and dragged down..
His wrinkled face is stuck in a new emotion, something between anger and amazement. He sits down again on the splintered wood of the bench, arms folded for warmth over his wet chest. The cigarette between his lips is out, wet and hanging limply. Without thinking he tries to take a drag, and spits with disgust at the stale smokey water he sucks into his mouth. The clouds overhead crack, and soon shower the old man with clean crisp rain. The drops are warmer than the seawater.
He flicks the butt over the rail into the water into the water and stares blankly ahead, at the dead body of the seagull. The wave has cleaned off the flies and dirt, its fluids leaking fresh into the puddle it lays in. The old man sighs and looks down at his feet, his own puddle forming from the soggy drips of his clothes. His expression softens and a tear slides invisibly from his eye, following an already sopping trail down his face.
The man stands up and gives his old yellow coat a good shake, dislodging showers of salty drips. His dry eyes glance one more time at the endless sea before he turns and begins to walk back to shore. The thudding sounds of his boots against the dock ring in his ears, but other than that the world is quiet. He doesn’t hear the waves.

The first draft, might be just an outline.

Chubbs

Chubbs never had a real name to me, and for the life of me I can’t remember what his real name even was. I do remember he killed ants, before school when we would sit and smoke. He would walk his fingers along the ant trail, killing five with each step his sausage fingers took. He would smile while he went about his spree, pausing only to take a drag from his cigarette, but never to wipe his fingers. He wasn’t the kind of boy who cared to keep himself clean, and it showed. His teeth were stained yellow with years of smoke and his hair was a dreadlocked mess. He stunk, badly. His clothes were shabby. His daily wardrobe consisted of the same faded blue sweatshirt and crusty jeans, both riddled with cigarette burns and painted with stains.

Most days I was ashamed to know him, as anyone would be. There was something off about him, something not right. Maybe it was the glint in his eye that was less of a spark, and more a shining dark hole. It could have been the smile that he always wore, unwavering and unsettling.

He moved at the speed of fat, and had no sense of time. He would tell the group of us to meet him at the park in fifteen minutes, and we would wait. An hour later he would lumber along. He had a messed up head, and we never thought different of him for the odd things he would say. There was a strange his words, the kind of connections a bucket of paint would make if it had a brain and had to compare apple pie with calculus. He used to tell us that he knew why people couldn’t fly. It is quite simple really, he would say and his voice that hurt my eyes, like a bright fluorescent light. Could you imagine the first caveman to jump? How excited he must have been? Thats what flying must be like. We just don’t know how. Chubbs would sit, cigarette in hand and ponder the simple mysteries in life.

I never knew Chubbs to be the violent type but one day he just woke up and decided he wanted to hurt someone. That was the last day we saw Chubbs. He had beat some kid half to death with a baseball bat on the way to school and had shown up to his first period covered in this kids blood. I pretended not to know him, and ran out of the classroom with the other kids when the police came to arrest him. There was always something off about him. He was smiling when they put him in the back of the patrol car. I never saw Chubbs again.

For the Summer

I plan on trying to write at least five pages a day from this day forward. That will be my goal. I really hope that I will stick to it, and maybe I will work out as well. I feel I am getting rather round around my middle. I hope I do not end up to be fat and gross. I apologize for those of you who read this and are fat and gross. It is not your fault. Or for some of you it is not. But most of you, who were cute little thin kids who are now fat and gross, it is your fault. And I have decided not to become one of you. So I hope I will work out too.

Monday, April 26, 2010

There is a difference between fact and opinion

So today I had to give a persuasive speech. And for those who do not know or understand the point of a persuasive speech, it is a speech intended to persuade a group to believe what you believe, to follow your opinion, or to get them to do something you want them to do. So my speech was about the stigma against tobacco, the growth of "smoke-free" areas, and why I believe those are wrong. I stated clinical studies on the benefits of smoking tobacco, and well as studies showing the psychological benefits. I admitted that tobacco is not safe, but I was trying to illustrate my point that the detrimental effects of tobacco are greatly exaggerated and blown out of proportion. I stated how I believe the ability to smoke is a civil right. I talked about how since 1973 (the year the trend of banning the smoking of tobacco in public spaces became popular) the amount of cigarette trashed has increase in correlation with the increase of smoke free spaces. My arguments were, in my eyes, fairly sound, and I believe I posed a good argument.
After the speech, some pious idiot decided to state his opinion that my opinion was wrong. In his eyes his opinion was right, and apparently both my facts and opinions were wrong. Fuck him. Really though, all I did was present my opinion in a structured and organized manner, and he comes at me like a verbal spider monkey. I respect the fact that he is entitled to his opinion, as I am entitled to mine. I could have punched holes in his speech, told him that his controversial basic "right" is not a right at all, but a danger that should be regulated, used his own logic that if it has dangers, it should be regulated. Fuck him. I took the high road. I mean I am kind of being a hypocrite by writing it up here, but I feel entitled to write my petty annoyed thoughts of the day. I mean, this is my blog.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Conspiracy Theories

I have a confession to make. I am an addict of Stumbleupon. This amazing website that is my vice in times of extreme boredom. I can attribute it to many different class failures, as I stumble when I indeed should be taking notes. But that is beside the point. Recently I have been stumbling through conspiracy theories.
Truly it amazes me what some people honestly believe in. Some of them seem to be sound, and some (most) are quite extreme. It makes me think, I talking about actual scratch my chin pondering, about how people come up with this stuff. I mean practically all of the "theories" involving the United States government. Honestly, is it even possible, let alone probable, that the same institution that loses billions of dollars to needless bureaucracies, the same institution that has so many devisions and projects that cannot be kept track of, the same institution whose own branches squabble and fight over meaningless issues can actually plan and execute an elaborate plan to trick the American people? I am not talking about secret military projects. But some people actually think the government caused the collapse of the trade centers intentionally. Really? Seriously? Come on. If they were capable of faking that terrorist attack, doesn't it seem likely that they would have been able to plant biological weapons and what not in Afghanistan and Iraq?
And yet there are theories even crazier than that. A race of humanoid shapeshifting reptilian aliens is about to take over the world. Did you know that? Because I sure as hell didn't. But of course it is possible, because if a species that much more biologically and technologically advanced than our own wanted to take over our world, they would most certainly do it through guile and secrecy, in order to make us into slaves, instead of the easy route of showing up with millions of star trek like warships and threatening us till we submit.
I ponder the question of how some people could come up with these kinds of stories, and the only two possibilities involve mental disorders and extremely creative drug induced paranoia. And speaking from experience, if it was drugs, most of the theories would be about mind control drugs in twinkies or doritos or something like that. And as for the crazy person theory? I have seen some pretty crazy people on the streets, and if they still have the mental capacity to spread misinformation as detailed as some of these theories, we could harness that raw, practically free resource to replace J.J. Abrams increasingly worse T.V. shows with something a little more interesting. Maybe they could also help out M. Night Shamalamadingdong come up with some better twists.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

"I see" said the blind man to his deaf brother.

Well this seems to be an awful day. My study power is dwindling, but I need to study more. If school was the Force, procrastination is the dark side. Oh how it is fun, but in the end it screws you over. Even now I am succumbing to the dark forces. The nagging feeling, the twisted knot in my stomach is telling me that I shouldn't of gone to this class. I should have stayed home. Studied more. I spent the majority of last night studying for a test that was not today. The teacher, a man who fancies himself a hilarious man, postpones the test at the last minute, effectively wasting my time. Alas I do have more study aids, but I will most likely buy more. I have one test today and two on friday. This god awful game that I know how to play well. Why don't I just play? I am great at the game. But I would rather follow my own path, pursue my own interests, not those mandated by the state. If only general education courses could be the last two years, and the major and minor courses had to be taken the first two years. I do well when I am interested.
I have found that my motivated non-motivation might be able to be used against itself. I like to think that I am a good lier. So why can I not just lie to myself? Convince myself that schoolwork is my favorite thing to do? I must try. Unfortunately, this semester might be my only chance. And as of yet, it seems that I am wasting it. But we will just have to see what happens. I am a firm believer of the "it's all good" philosophy. I think that no matter how bad a situation gets, there is rarely a point of no return. There is always (well not always, there are always exceptions to any rule) a way out, some backdoor. All it takes is a strong will. I have passion. I have drive. I just need to get my priorities straight. The only problem is that I see no problem with my priorities.
Is it wrong to put friends and family above all else? Is it wrong to enjoy simple pleasures? Is it wrong to have daily adventures? To live life day by day? I do not see anything wrong with my priorities. I hate that society has to be like it is. But I know that it won't change. So I guess I should second guess how I rank my obligations; maybe I should follow the river instead of trying to swim against it. I worry that I have made to many wrong choices, that there might not be a backdoor for me to escape out of. There might not even be a window. But I will not fail myself. I will not buckle under the weight of the consequences. I cannot give up on my philosophy. I will find a way to fix this.

A binge on studying.

I have found that when I study, or try to, I end up having an extremely productive night. I will clean, discover new interesting things, write songs, poems, stories, start my life story. I paint, work out, shave, and have meaningful conversations with strangers. Last night was one such an occasion.
After dosing up with the popular study aids of college students anywhere, I started my studying. It went pretty well, and I did quite a bit of work. But it did take the whole night. And that whole night was filled with a million different little distractions.
You will never feel more clean than after a shower taken under the influence of uppers. I swear I must have scratches all over my body. Even a loofa gets pretty sharp if it is used with such force. God, But I feel so very clean. It is a good feeling, even if it is a little scary that I feel that I can't leave the shower until every inch of skin has been meticulously soaped and scrubbed raw. And ten minutes after the shower, standing naked in front of a fan after a five minute tooth brushing session is what heaven must feel like. Nothing like a cool breeze.
After my studying was done I bonded with a not-really-that-close friend. I mean I knew his name, and I have said hello to him on the street. But I didn't really imagine myself spilling my feelings, fears, and fantasies to this guy I do not know that well, but who am I kidding. Illicit substances have been used as social lubricants for centuries, millennia even, so it is not that odd that I made yet another good friend because of drugs.
During my frantic antsy episodes I wrote a good deal of writing. A plethora of words swirled (and still swirling) around in my head, wanting to get out by any means. It happens when I "study" alone. The desire to talk to people is just another way for those words to escape. And trust me. Some of those bad boys just want to get you in trouble (by "bad boys" I am referring to the swirly words) with anyone who will listen. It is probably a good thing that the words are coming out here, instead of on a phone call to my grandma.
I like to think I can control the words. I mean, I can control them when I write, but when I talk? It is not pretty. Every occasion like last night, without fail, I babble constantly to anyone that will listen. And when they don't listen I feel bad (and the drugged dark side gets a little annoyed) and apologize.
In the end I am still awake. Usually I will stay awake for two days on this "study aid," and more often than not my body becomes extremely exhausted. But even with the body aches and pains, my brain likes to think of itself as a marathon martyr. It just keeps going and going and never ever even thinks of stopping to rest. But luckily I got to sleep in until two or three yesterday. So my body is still truckin. Well my friend, the class session I am wasting by writing this is coming to an end. So you have a great day. I will leave you with a little advice. Don't let your socks get wet.