"I see" said the blind man to his deaf brother.

Well this seems to be an awful day. My study power is dwindling, but I need to study more. If school was the Force, procrastination is the dark side. Oh how it is fun, but in the end it screws you over. Even now I am succumbing to the dark forces. The nagging feeling, the twisted knot in my stomach is telling me that I shouldn't of gone to this class. I should have stayed home. Studied more. I spent the majority of last night studying for a test that was not today. The teacher, a man who fancies himself a hilarious man, postpones the test at the last minute, effectively wasting my time. Alas I do have more study aids, but I will most likely buy more. I have one test today and two on friday. This god awful game that I know how to play well. Why don't I just play? I am great at the game. But I would rather follow my own path, pursue my own interests, not those mandated by the state. If only general education courses could be the last two years, and the major and minor courses had to be taken the first two years. I do well when I am interested.

I have found that my motivated non-motivation might be able to be used against itself. I like to think that I am a good lier. So why can I not just lie to myself? Convince myself that schoolwork is my favorite thing to do? I must try. Unfortunately, this semester might be my only chance. And as of yet, it seems that I am wasting it. But we will just have to see what happens. I am a firm believer of the "it's all good" philosophy. I think that no matter how bad a situation gets, there is rarely a point of no return. There is always (well not always, there are always exceptions to any rule) a way out, some backdoor. All it takes is a strong will. I have passion. I have drive. I just need to get my priorities straight. The only problem is that I see no problem with my priorities.

Is it wrong to put friends and family above all else? Is it wrong to enjoy simple pleasures? Is it wrong to have daily adventures? To live life day by day? I do not see anything wrong with my priorities. I hate that society has to be like it is. But I know that it won't change. So I guess I should second guess how I rank my obligations; maybe I should follow the river instead of trying to swim against it. I worry that I have made to many wrong choices, that there might not be a backdoor for me to escape out of. There might not even be a window. But I will not fail myself. I will not buckle under the weight of the consequences. I cannot give up on my philosophy. I will find a way to fix this.